"All right, you sons of bitches. You know how I feel."

“If I were to remain silent, I'd be guilty of complicity.” ~Albert Einstein

 

I fall short of having enough eloquence to adequately express my concern for fellow residents of the Internet.  I was browsing through my Pinterest page today, and found a pin that disturbed the innermost depths of my soul.  If you are the Pinner and read this blog, this is not a personal attack but rather an intervention with the world. 

 

Now, in this vast world, there are many things that look cute that are not safe to handle.

 

Tigers, bears, pandas, Matthew Fox all come to mind.

 

 

Friends of the internet, I advise you to stay as far away from this as possible.  Yes, it looks cute.  You might have a false sense of an ability to make this easily.  You may even mistakenly believe that it will be a fun project. 

 

It all started with Cinco de Mayo.  Now the trend is attempting to hijack other holidays.  I've seen The Nightmare Before Christmas too many times to forget that stealing holidays ends in misery for the whole planet. 

 

The following four frames summarize hours worth of pain and suffering.  It is my hope that by raising awareness we can stop the cycle of abuse together.  If this blog helps to prevent at least one person from making a dire mistake then we are making progress.

 

WARNING:  DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DO THIS AT HOME!!  IT IS USING HALLOWEEN AS A TRICK.  THESE ARE STILL THE SAME PINATA TERRORS!

 

If it is too late to stop you and you've suffered through this baking experience, please know that you aren't alone.  There are people out there who understand. 

 

 

Kilroy was here. Olé.

I saw some of you there, but if I didn't see you I worked the information desk at Artscape the other weekend.  If you missed it, you can check out the highlights here: https://www.facebook.com/Artscape.Baltimore


Today, I received a Gmail with a SurveyMonkey to give feedback about my experience volunteering for Artscape.
 
Side note: Survey Monkey, I still haven't got over the fact that you took away my Zoomerang.  As if zoomerang wasn't a stupid enough word, I now send surveys to co-workers referencing monkeys and actually ask them to take it seriously.  Should I really have to be put through this mockery just because I don't want to pay for surveys??  Sigh. 

So...nice little innocent me is dutifully filling out a survey, sharing constructive feedback, trying to make a positive impact on future generations of volunteers, when I received an ambush Gchat message.

You may notice that the culprit signed off so quickly that I didn't get to express my gratitude with a series of expletives...and hearts...and more expletives.  Instead, I am making you all look at the website with me.

The hit and run chatter sent the following link to a website about piñatas at weddings.
http://blog.theknot.com/2013/07/25/12-wedding-pinatas-were-obsessed-with/

Even though I knew I would regret it, I clicked on the link.  It takes you to a page of twelve wedding piñatas, all of which are about as annoying as this one:


Piñata cookies did not even make this list of "cool" wedding piñatas, but maybe they should have.  As much as they are a terrible nightmare to make, even I can admit that they are A LOT more fun than having crazy white people in designer gowns blindfolded and hitting their guests with sticks. 
I can only imagine what my Gramma would have to say about this idea.


Morals of this story.
-Volunteering will always come back to bite you in the ass one way or another.
-Getting me to make a blog post is as easy as sending me something annoying about weddings.
-Piñatas aren't just for quinceañeras anymore.
 
-I also found out that a whopping 340ish people accidently read this blog because they were googling Boston accents.  I hope they found it useful.  Suckahs.

Շնորհավոր տարեդարձ

Our favorite love birds made it through the first year of marriage!


In the US there is a traditional gift assigned to each anniversary year.  They start of simple and then increase in value.  This represents the level of investment the couple has made to each other.  The traditional gift for a first anniversary is paper. 
 

Paper is a lovely gift with a  variety of uses from ranging from boring cards to exciting fortune telling games.
   

It is also relatively inexpensive since the traditional couple is still broke from having a wedding.


There is also the Valentine's Day of Anniversary lists known as the Modern Anniversary Gift list.  The traditional list has gift ideas for 1-15th anniversaries and then every fifth anniversary after that up to 60.  In order to make more money a group of greedy jewelers got together an made a new list so that we spend more money.
 
The modern list replaces old-fashioned gifts with more practical (expensive) items, and has ideas for more years of celebrations. 

If you are more of a modern couple the modern wedding gift for a first anniversary is a clock.



The couples can decide if they enjoy writing or telling time together.

If you want to relive all of the excitement of the wedding last year you should check out Team Charam featured on an actual real blog.  There is just something about the cinco de marriage wedding that bloggers love.
 

Also, this same blog blogged about The Terror That Shall Not be Named.  I can now rest well knowing that many others out there will unknowingly embark on a journey of stress and anxiety.  Revenge is mine.

'R's ah fah losahs

Eek!  The wedding reception is SO SOON!  We need to brush up on our Boston accents right away so that we can effectively mingle with the locals!!

Boston Accents 101:
The traditional accent is non-rhotic.  That is fancy New England speak meaning they don't pronounce r in words or something.  Then there is something about pronouncing a as a broad a.  Turns out phonetics and the English language are too hard.  I can't understand the Wikipedia article about it.  Class dismissed.


Boston Accents 101-Cliff's Notes:
Park the car in Harvard Yard=Pahk the cah in Hahvad Yahd

Lots of cool celebrities have a Boston accent. 
Marky Mark, Matt Damon, Ben Afleck, JFK, Connor and Murphy McManus, etc.
Practice the Boston accent with Tom Brady in the video below:



Here are a few Boston vocab words you might find useful for this weekend:
30 rack = a case of beer
packie run = a trip to the liquor store
clicka = remote control
bang a left = turn left
jimmies = sprinkles
suppa = dinner
pissah = excellent
boozie or booze bag = a drunk person
bobos = boat shoes
wicked = not sure what it means but be sure to use it frequently


If you want to fit in do not call it Beantown. 

Start practicing!!  I can't fahkin wait to have a wicked good pahty.

Peace Love and Ice Cream

Hey, friends!  If you got an invite to the biggest bash of the summer, don't forget you have one day to RSVP!!  Do it!

If there isn't enough ice cream for us because you didn't RSVP you better watch out.

Don't be the one with invisible ice cream.  RSVP now!

If you RSVP late the Beyonces will be both annoyed that you are late and glad that you can make it.

Don't you want to love love?

These Dove bars are ready to party.  Are you?

WARNING: POSSIBLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL BELOW

At first I thought the ice cream was sweet and hugging.  Now that I look again I'm not sure if this is a dirty picture or not.  Continue at your own risk.  18 and older only please.

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If you already RSVP'd, I can't wait to see you there and beat you at mini golf.

Last Fling After the Ring

Last week a group of Charis' friends bid her single life a fond farewell in a post-wedding bachelorette party.  Before you start being annoying and asking, "who has a bachelorette party after their wedding?" you should know that it happens to many brides for many different reasons.  I will not blog about details of the reasons why or what happened during the party.  Instead you can watch this video below of the story of Kellie Pickler's post-wedding bachelorette party.  Same difference:

The actual party was in the charming town of Portsmouth, New Hampshire.  They have whimsical murals and they like to organize items into piles there. 

I spent a few days in the New England area that included trips to Massachusetts and Maine as well.  Like I said at the beginning, I'm not going dish on what we did.  However, let me fill you in on everything you CAN'T do.  Turns out New England has SO MANY RULES!!

1. You can't be happy.  Happy Hour is illegal in Boston.

Looking into this the laws were put in place due to copious amounts of drunk driving.  In order to reduce accidents they also took away happy hours, open bars, and drink specials. 

2. You can't just have a drink.  Want to stop and have a nice cocktail outside with friends?  Tough crap.  On Newbury Street you have to buy food with your drink.  Some places even demand that you order off of their entree list just to sit down.  Notice this example of some fine folks hanging out in Back Bay.  Also notice their lack of drinks and forced smiles.

3. You can't leave your car parked for more than two hours.  This is to keep out the cocktail loving riff raff who actually drive themselves places.  Only those who are driven in Bentleys get to stay more than 2 hours.  Oops.

4. You can't get gas at night.  Gas pumps are turned off promptly at 8:30pm.  If you stop at 8:25 Sayid is doing you a massive favor by letting you fill your tank. 

5. You can't order shots after 11pm.  What is it with New England and drinking rules??  Do they know how much money they are losing?

6. You can't go upstairs with your drink.  Say you are on the outside deck at a bar and want to go to the inside bar.  The exact same bar, just inside instead of outside.  You can't take your drink and you have to be carded again even though you already were carded and given a wristband.  You also can't take your drink to the bathroom.  You must leave it out to get roofied by the creepy lurker guys.  Not  cool New England. 

 

7. You can't buy foundation with SPF unless the packaging has changed to include specific instruction on how to apply it.  Out of foundation?  Too bad.  Now you are roofied AND you have skin cancer. 

I think there are many more rules that I've forgotten.  I'm not Puritan enough to remember them all.

 

Made in America

Hi, Roomies!  I know you are having a wonderful trip.  Let me catch you up on what you've been missing.

This is Erin Wright reporting LIVE from the United States of America.

Oops.  Wrong Erin. 



In TV news Zooey was on SYTYCD this week.


In movie news there are now TWO trailers out with People's Sexiest Man Alive!!

 

In news that EVERYONE else cares about except for me, CNN and Fox News told everyone that the Supreme Court overturned ObamaCare.  People pretended to be surprised that Fox News reported bad information.  Facebook poses as healthcare experts.   

In news that NO ONE else cares about except for me...the XGames are back! I am slightly depressed that my ginger exception Shaun White is not back this year to embarrass all of the full time skateboarders.

But so far these games have been CRAZY enough for me to be ok with it.

In this week's weather news the desertification of the United States is continuing. 

We are trying to stay hydrated, but many people don't have power or water because of last night's massive storm.  http://www.wbaltv.com/weather/Severe-storms-sweeping-through-Maryland/-/9380898/15356682/-/y6c6wq/-/index.html

Also, Colorodo is on fire so keep them in your prayers.

In news news Ann Curry got fired from the Today Show. She seems nice, but I think we all know the only reason to watch the Today show is Matt Lauer.   

 

In celebrity news, as Team Charam celebrates matrimonial bliss -Team Tomkat is calling it quits.

In completely unrelated news - Shakira

 

This is Erin Wright signing off for America. 

Good night and safe travels.

Still the wrong Erin...