It's a Nice Day for a White Wedding

One in six brides is pregnant before their wedding day.

A shotgun wedding is a forced marriage that is arranged as a result of unplanned pregnancy.  It is an American colloquialism that originates from anecdotal stories and folk songs.


A man gets a woman pregnant out of wedlock.  This is considered a sin in some cultures and religions.  In order to restore honor to his family the female's father will ensure the man responsible marries his daughter by threatening him with a shotgun.
 
He may follow the man all the way to the altar with his shotgun to make sure he can't escape his responsibility.
 
Violent coercion to marry is no longer legal in the United States.  It was more common in the 18th and 19th centuries.  The two would get married, raise their child together, and live happily ever after like these couples:

Alecia Keys and Swizz Beatz


James Van Der Beek and Kimberly Brook


Jessica Alba and Cash Warren


Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz


Usher and that ugly girl


Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin

Al Gore Invented the Internet

It is no secret that for many of life's questions I turn to the timeless and infinite wisdom of Martha Stewart.  For all things proper, polite, pretty, and fun I solicit Martha's advice.  And I don't even really like pastels. 


When Charis and Aram first got engaged, I harassed Charis about starting a wedding website.  She declined my incessant offers (threats) to start their website for them.  My energy has been redirected to this super awesome blog instead.  You can thank her later, but the moral of the story is that I stopped thinking about their wedding website.  Until now.

I consulted Martha Stewart Weddings for advice on wedding websites.  This is my interpretation.

Q: Why have a wedding website?
A: Sustainability.  Information for that special day is shared electronically, so countless trees are saved.  Trees give you oxygen.  Trees are good.  If there are changes to the wedding plan, the wedding website will save even more trees.  How convenient.


Q: Do I need a wedding website for my own wedding?
A: YES! Do it! Now!
     OK. That isn't exactly the official advice.  Martha says if your wedding will be less than 30 people and not a destination wedding a website is not necessary.


Q: What do I need to get started?
A:  Turns out it isn't recommended to start a wedding web page all willy nilly.  Get this list of things worked out first.

1. Find a fiancé or a fiancée
2. Pick a date for the wedding
3. Choose a location
4. Establish a style/theme for your event (Website must coordinate with wedding theme, colors, etc., duh.

Q: When is a good time to start?
A: Martha recommends starting a wedding website at least six months before the date of your wedding.  Share as much information as early as possible to give guests ample time to plan and make travel arrangements.


Q: How much does it cost?
A: Average cost of a wedding website is between $40 and $80 for one year.  There are free options for the budget conscious.  For the more extravagant couples there are professionals that can be hired to create a unique site for the wedding for hundreds/thousands of dollars.  Martha's snide undertones imply that she prefer a bride choose the more expensive option.  BUT Wedding Wire offers free sites with Martha Stewart templates to use.
 


Q: What should be on it?
A:  When it comes to wedding details the more the better.  The more details and information about the day of the wedding, the more helpful it is to the guests. 

When it comes to personalizing the site, a brief origin story is recommended.  Throw in a few casual snapshots of the happy couple and that is it!

Voila!  Thanks, Martha!

You may not know this, Missy, but I ate Chuck for YOU!

OK, kids.  Let's talk about something serious today.  Zombie themed weddings. 
Do you laugh in the face of danger?  Do you feel like a traditional wedding wouldn't get you enough attention.  Are you a tragic hipster living in Hampdon?  Do you dream of the perfect wedding day, but feel the need to rebel against social conventions by having a unique wedding that is "so you"?  Then you should do what everyone else is doing.  Have a Zombie wedding!

Zombies do not normally attend weddings.  This is what Zombies do on the regular:


The good news is though, that Zombie theme weddings are becoming increasingly popular.  This means that if you choose the Zombie wedding route for yourself, your guests will have certain expectations.  You don't want to be the one who did the Zombie wedding thing wrong now do you? 

Here are a few things that will ensure your Zombie wedding is a success:

First you need to warm people up to the idea that they will hate going to your wedding.  The best way to break the ice is to start with your engagement photos.  Show everyone that you are a normally delightful couple swept away by the idea of an endless love.  Throw some zombies in some of the photos just to get the conversation started.

Don't forget the poses that show off your ring.  Bling!


Now you have to let your friends and family know that you weren't just having some fun, but you are fully committed to this Zombie thing.  Go all out on your invitations.  This is the point where you have to make a directional decision about how the zombie thing will fit into your holy day of matrimony.  There are two basic options.

You can be Option A, the couple clinging to love and hope while desperately fighting for survival in a post zombie apocalyptic world:
 
Or Option B, you want to actually represent the living dead :

Whichever option you choose, need to follow through on your big day.
Traditional cakes are for pretty girls.  You need zombies represented on your desert.
Choosers of Option A should go with a cake like this one:

For Option B I suggest a cake with more brains:

Next you need to choose your wardrobe and makeup options.  Whatever you choose, Carmindy will never approve. 
Option B means you have to look the part yourself.  No way will this be embarrassing to show your future grand kids:

Option A allows the bride and groom a little more flexibility.  You can still be cute and have some normal photos for the benefit of posterity, while ending with some "I'm SO dirty from all of my zombie slaying activities" type shots.


So, these are the basic requirements for your oh so rebellious Zombie wedding.  The rest is up to you.  The possibilities are endless.

See you Sunday Nights at 9!